So soon..

No more walls...

No more Distance...

No more Glass...

Just you...

Me...

In eachother's warm embrace....


Never letting go....


So very soon...

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/235/f/9/distance_by_jajachan-d5c4fn1.jpg

Dying Alone

People ask constantly what your greatest fear is.. And I tell them dying.

I never tell the full story.

Of course I don't truly fear death.... No one should.

What I truly fear...

Is dying alone.

My whole life has been spent watching my friends and family growing up and finding
someone to share the rest of their life with while I'm left alone in the dust.

I've tried talking to girls. I've tried dating sites. I've even tried being more social than usual.

But years of rejection and being overlooked for the good guy I am left me cold to love.

I was going to die alone.

But than, as the song goes, I saw her face. And I became a believer.

She was perfect in every way. funny. Smart. nerdy. Everything I ever wanted.

We had great times together, even if it was purely internet related.

We laughed

We geeked.

we were there for each other when we needed it most.

And suddenly my fear of dying alone became a different fear all together..


My fear became... Dying without her....

She was that special someone I'd been searching for my whole life.

And the very thought of losing her and everything we had twisted me.

It made me sick, to the point of laying awake at night for fear that the minute morning sets...

She'd be gone.

Not physically mind you. Not dead.

But gone from my life.

She would one day wake up and say she didn't want me anymore. Like the girls before her
she needed to move on.

This day has yet to come to pass and I pray it never does...

But she isn't looking for the same thing I am... And I fear now that that will drive us apart

I love her.

I LOVE Her.

There is no question to this. I love her more than I've ever loved a being before.

I love her more than the very air that god gives me everyday to keep me alive

I love her more than anything the world has to offer

To me. She is the world.

But... I need family. I need children. I always have... Yet....

I feel like... Like I'd be willing to give all that up... Just to be in her arms

Just to hold her for a day I would give all that up.

To know heaven if not for a minute...

I would give up those dreams...

If not for one momment... to wake up next to her and see that beautiful smile.

Those perfect eyes I fell for...

I love her so...She has all of me.

But... she is something more...

THere are days where she says I have her too, all of her. that she is so completely mine...

and than there are days where she says she's not capable of loving just one person...

It warps my my mind. Alters my perception on reality.

I've seen this before in a girl or two and know that they are currently married and happy.

Yet she says that can never be her. that people can't change who they are, yet I know this isn't true....

Because I changed...

For her.

I'm not asking her to change for me.... I'm not asking for her to change for anyone....

I just... I need her.

I need her.

I can't lose her...

Don't let me lose her...

Don't let it end...

Don't let me die...alone...without her...

Letter to a Lonely Princess

Dear Lonely Princess,

      You say you are alone, and that you have no one there to keep you warm and safe.

But this simply is not true.

Dear Princess I promise...I'm coming for you.

I know I'm not there and for that I m sorry...I would change it in a heart beat if I could.

You say you a tired of cold nights alone, But darling, I am too.

I would fill my car to the point of overflowing, if not but for a day in your arms.

Holding you tight and kissing you to show you it's ok. 

I would gladly pay any fee, to fly out to you tonight, if that I could

just to spend the night cuddling you close and smiling into your eyes.

I know it's far away my love and and I know it gets so hard..

I know that time it seems to crawl.

I know the pain doesn't help the time pass and I know how cold

a lonely bed can be.

But Princess.. Please know... Your Prince is coming...

And oneday... He won't ever leave your side again....

My BumbleSweet

I find myself in need, oh great love guru in the sky

And I think that you of all should know why

My heart is aching, for I much desire to meet

The one I call my dearest Bumblesweet

She's far away, and though I know distance is for not

I know it's hurting her, which is hurting me alot

I want to be there for her, and I know it won't be long

Till She;ll be in my arms, and I can sing her a soothing song

A song of my love and how much to me she means

yet a song to assure her the distance is not as great as it seems

she means the world to me, something i've never felt

The pain she gives me is wonderful, like nothing ever delt

Yes sometimes I hurt, But I know it's for the best

It drives me, motivates me, as I make my journey northwest.

For it's there I will be happy, not hear in this pit

For it's with her I will smile, when a lone we sit

curled up tightly, nestled in her warm embrace

lips pressed softy, upon her lovely face

My heart is aching out great love guru in the sky

And as you can see you know the reason why

For no one on earth, would I rather brave such feats

for than that of the love… Of my dearest BumbleSweet

2,137 miles apart, or Aproxemently a 1 day and 7 hour drive.

2,137 miles apart, or

Aproxemently a 1 day and 7 hour drive.

You are so far yet it  feels

Like you are right beside me.

Every night I close my eyes the distance

Lessens more and more and I

Can feel the warmth of your breath

On my skin, the tightness of 

Your arms wrapped around me,

The gentle rise and fall of your sound 

Breathing as you sleep in my arms.

Yet i awake the next morning,

Gripping a pillow tight and reality sets

Back in.

 

2,137 miles apart, or

Aproxemently a 1 day and 7 hour drive.

I long each day to pack a small bag,

Long enough for just a short trip

If not to just spend one day in your

Waiting arms. To cuddle you tight with 

Loving kisses and gentle whispers

In those perfect ears. To fall soundly

Asleep in eachothers embrace

Until we wake the next morning and start anew. 

Yet I look at my car and realize

It could not carry me that far and reality sets in.

2,137 miles apart, or

Aproxemently a 1 day and 7 hour drive.

It doesn't seem so far. Quiet nights on Skype and gentle PMs in an Chat board

 Every day I get to see 

Your smile I feel a little better each time

Because I know it's another day closer to the day I will finnally get To to hold you for real. Embrace you tight And kiss your warm lips with mine.

But than another day is past and you

Still aren't here and reality sets in...

2,137 miles apart, or

Aproxemently a 1 day and 7 hour drive.

It doesn't feel that far... Does it my love...

A Fragile mind

Found out that A friend of mine died today. I can't say honestly we were close, I met him only in passing at a convention, but he was a friend none the less.

An amazing guy who always seemed to have a smile on his face and even got up and danced with me in a silly music video I made for fun.

It's not that he died that gets me though, but the news that it was suicide that struck me the hardest.


What drives someone like him to do that? What drives a man to say "I can't take the world anymore"
that they pull the proverbial trigger? What brings someone to such a deep pit of despair that there is no other way out?

As I stated he always seemed so full of energy and happiness. Not the kind of person you would think has the potential to even consider suicide... Not the kind of person you would put on a watch or have to sit down and ask "Are you ok?"

But than, I didn't know him in his personal life. Maybe it wasn't all smiles and rainbows. Do we ever truly know someone how we see them? Do we ever truly know what goes on in another's mind?

And what of my own mind? Sometimes I hear small voices that say "It's the only answer"
I push them aside like they are nothing but I'm not exactly going to win an award for the most "All together guy." I'm broken inside, slowly picking up the pieces each day.


I'm a fragile mind. Ever shattering. Yet I pick up the pieces and go on, smile on my face to brighten the days of those around me.

But how much longer till even that smile fades? How much longer till I can no longer wear it even if it's for show? How long till those little voices become the only voices? Till my shiny swords and knives start to look less like trophies and more like "Close friends".

A little too close....If You follow.


I tell myself every day that I am not suicidal. I tell myself everyday that there are too many people on this earth who would miss me upon taking that self propelled journey to the other side. ANd I love them all so very much. I love them all so much it hurts. I feel their pain. I see the tears in their eyes as they stand over the casket that has yet to be filled.

I hear those caskets are cozy...

Yet I see their tears and I know I must press on, no matter how dark the shadows get. No matter how scary things become. I must press on. Too many people depend on me to wake up tomorrow.

For them I press on.

What drives a man to have such thoughts?

My love is Like, A Storybook Story

Come my love, I'll tell you a tale

Love is a funny word really.
It means so much to hear it
when the one you love says it to you.
It fills you with a warmth.
It fills you with a smile

Of a boy and girl and their love story


Some people mean it. They mean it with every ounce of fiber in their being they have.
They look the person in the eyes and they say them.
The meaning is simple and true.
They love that person.
Every fiber
Every ounce
Ever Atom of their being,
They love that person.

And how he loved her oh so much

But what happens when the one you love,
Also desires another?
they love you. They love you more than they can say.
They desire you. They Crave you as much as you do them.
But there's another character in the story.

And all the charms, she did possess

How do you view yourself than?
What do you become?
You can't stop thinking about them
but it makes you wonder more
and more.

Now this did happen once upon a time

Who's story is this?
Was it ever mine?
Was I the hero?
Or am I the Villain?

When things were not, so Complex

Am I the hero...
Setting out on a quest to save the fair maiden!
Slaying the demons who would torment her
Slaying the Dragon that keeps her locked tight!
Sword slashing, Hacking and cutting.
Am I the hero?

And how he worshipped the ground she walked.

Or am I the Villain?
Am I the one tormenting her?
Am I the one keeping her locked in a tower
so she will be mine and mine alone?
Am I the one holding her back fro her hero?
Am I the Villain?

And when he looked in her eyes, he became obsessed.

Who am I?
I look in the mirror and the answer is less
Clear than it was than.
I see bravery in me, I see the hero I want to be
But I also see the anger, and the Villain who rages inside.

My love is like... A StoryBook Story

No. Of course I'm the hero!
I've been there all along.
I've slain the demons!
I've Slain the dragon!
Yet...In every story
even the villain sees himself
As the Hero....

But it's as real as the feelings I feel

I guess there is no way to be sure
Only time can tell.
For now fair maiden,
Know that I love you.
I always have....
Your Prince
Your Hero

...Your Villain

It's as real...

as the feelings I feel....