Dying Alone

People ask constantly what your greatest fear is.. And I tell them dying.

I never tell the full story.

Of course I don't truly fear death.... No one should.

What I truly fear...

Is dying alone.

My whole life has been spent watching my friends and family growing up and finding
someone to share the rest of their life with while I'm left alone in the dust.

I've tried talking to girls. I've tried dating sites. I've even tried being more social than usual.

But years of rejection and being overlooked for the good guy I am left me cold to love.

I was going to die alone.

But than, as the song goes, I saw her face. And I became a believer.

She was perfect in every way. funny. Smart. nerdy. Everything I ever wanted.

We had great times together, even if it was purely internet related.

We laughed

We geeked.

we were there for each other when we needed it most.

And suddenly my fear of dying alone became a different fear all together..


My fear became... Dying without her....

She was that special someone I'd been searching for my whole life.

And the very thought of losing her and everything we had twisted me.

It made me sick, to the point of laying awake at night for fear that the minute morning sets...

She'd be gone.

Not physically mind you. Not dead.

But gone from my life.

She would one day wake up and say she didn't want me anymore. Like the girls before her
she needed to move on.

This day has yet to come to pass and I pray it never does...

But she isn't looking for the same thing I am... And I fear now that that will drive us apart

I love her.

I LOVE Her.

There is no question to this. I love her more than I've ever loved a being before.

I love her more than the very air that god gives me everyday to keep me alive

I love her more than anything the world has to offer

To me. She is the world.

But... I need family. I need children. I always have... Yet....

I feel like... Like I'd be willing to give all that up... Just to be in her arms

Just to hold her for a day I would give all that up.

To know heaven if not for a minute...

I would give up those dreams...

If not for one momment... to wake up next to her and see that beautiful smile.

Those perfect eyes I fell for...

I love her so...She has all of me.

But... she is something more...

THere are days where she says I have her too, all of her. that she is so completely mine...

and than there are days where she says she's not capable of loving just one person...

It warps my my mind. Alters my perception on reality.

I've seen this before in a girl or two and know that they are currently married and happy.

Yet she says that can never be her. that people can't change who they are, yet I know this isn't true....

Because I changed...

For her.

I'm not asking her to change for me.... I'm not asking for her to change for anyone....

I just... I need her.

I need her.

I can't lose her...

Don't let me lose her...

Don't let it end...

Don't let me die...alone...without her...