Monday, January 27, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
A Fragile mind
Found out that A friend of mine died today. I can't say honestly we were close, I met him only in passing at a convention, but he was a friend none the less.
An amazing guy who always seemed to have a smile on his face and even got up and danced with me in a silly music video I made for fun.
It's not that he died that gets me though, but the news that it was suicide that struck me the hardest.
What drives someone like him to do that? What drives a man to say "I can't take the world anymore"
that they pull the proverbial trigger? What brings someone to such a deep pit of despair that there is no other way out?
As I stated he always seemed so full of energy and happiness. Not the kind of person you would think has the potential to even consider suicide... Not the kind of person you would put on a watch or have to sit down and ask "Are you ok?"
But than, I didn't know him in his personal life. Maybe it wasn't all smiles and rainbows. Do we ever truly know someone how we see them? Do we ever truly know what goes on in another's mind?
And what of my own mind? Sometimes I hear small voices that say "It's the only answer"
I push them aside like they are nothing but I'm not exactly going to win an award for the most "All together guy." I'm broken inside, slowly picking up the pieces each day.
I'm a fragile mind. Ever shattering. Yet I pick up the pieces and go on, smile on my face to brighten the days of those around me.
But how much longer till even that smile fades? How much longer till I can no longer wear it even if it's for show? How long till those little voices become the only voices? Till my shiny swords and knives start to look less like trophies and more like "Close friends".
A little too close....If You follow.
I tell myself every day that I am not suicidal. I tell myself everyday that there are too many people on this earth who would miss me upon taking that self propelled journey to the other side. ANd I love them all so very much. I love them all so much it hurts. I feel their pain. I see the tears in their eyes as they stand over the casket that has yet to be filled.
I hear those caskets are cozy...
Yet I see their tears and I know I must press on, no matter how dark the shadows get. No matter how scary things become. I must press on. Too many people depend on me to wake up tomorrow.
For them I press on.
What drives a man to have such thoughts?
An amazing guy who always seemed to have a smile on his face and even got up and danced with me in a silly music video I made for fun.
It's not that he died that gets me though, but the news that it was suicide that struck me the hardest.
What drives someone like him to do that? What drives a man to say "I can't take the world anymore"
that they pull the proverbial trigger? What brings someone to such a deep pit of despair that there is no other way out?
As I stated he always seemed so full of energy and happiness. Not the kind of person you would think has the potential to even consider suicide... Not the kind of person you would put on a watch or have to sit down and ask "Are you ok?"
But than, I didn't know him in his personal life. Maybe it wasn't all smiles and rainbows. Do we ever truly know someone how we see them? Do we ever truly know what goes on in another's mind?
And what of my own mind? Sometimes I hear small voices that say "It's the only answer"
I push them aside like they are nothing but I'm not exactly going to win an award for the most "All together guy." I'm broken inside, slowly picking up the pieces each day.
I'm a fragile mind. Ever shattering. Yet I pick up the pieces and go on, smile on my face to brighten the days of those around me.
But how much longer till even that smile fades? How much longer till I can no longer wear it even if it's for show? How long till those little voices become the only voices? Till my shiny swords and knives start to look less like trophies and more like "Close friends".
A little too close....If You follow.
I tell myself every day that I am not suicidal. I tell myself everyday that there are too many people on this earth who would miss me upon taking that self propelled journey to the other side. ANd I love them all so very much. I love them all so much it hurts. I feel their pain. I see the tears in their eyes as they stand over the casket that has yet to be filled.
I hear those caskets are cozy...
Yet I see their tears and I know I must press on, no matter how dark the shadows get. No matter how scary things become. I must press on. Too many people depend on me to wake up tomorrow.
For them I press on.
What drives a man to have such thoughts?
My love is Like, A Storybook Story
Come my love, I'll tell you a tale
Love is a funny word really.
It means so much to hear it
when the one you love says it to you.
It fills you with a warmth.
It fills you with a smile
Of a boy and girl and their love story
Some people mean it. They mean it with every ounce of fiber in their being they have.
They look the person in the eyes and they say them.
The meaning is simple and true.
They love that person.
Every fiber
Every ounce
Ever Atom of their being,
They love that person.
And how he loved her oh so much
But what happens when the one you love,
Also desires another?
they love you. They love you more than they can say.
They desire you. They Crave you as much as you do them.
But there's another character in the story.
And all the charms, she did possess
How do you view yourself than?
What do you become?
You can't stop thinking about them
but it makes you wonder more
and more.
Now this did happen once upon a time
Who's story is this?
Was it ever mine?
Was I the hero?
Or am I the Villain?
When things were not, so Complex
Am I the hero...
Setting out on a quest to save the fair maiden!
Slaying the demons who would torment her
Slaying the Dragon that keeps her locked tight!
Sword slashing, Hacking and cutting.
Am I the hero?
And how he worshipped the ground she walked.
Or am I the Villain?
Am I the one tormenting her?
Am I the one keeping her locked in a tower
so she will be mine and mine alone?
Am I the one holding her back fro her hero?
Am I the Villain?
And when he looked in her eyes, he became obsessed.
Who am I?
I look in the mirror and the answer is less
Clear than it was than.
I see bravery in me, I see the hero I want to be
But I also see the anger, and the Villain who rages inside.
My love is like... A StoryBook Story
No. Of course I'm the hero!
I've been there all along.
I've slain the demons!
I've Slain the dragon!
Yet...In every story
even the villain sees himself
As the Hero....
But it's as real as the feelings I feel
I guess there is no way to be sure
Only time can tell.
For now fair maiden,
Know that I love you.
I always have....
Your Prince
Your Hero
...Your Villain
It's as real...
as the feelings I feel....
Love is a funny word really.
It means so much to hear it
when the one you love says it to you.
It fills you with a warmth.
It fills you with a smile
Of a boy and girl and their love story
Some people mean it. They mean it with every ounce of fiber in their being they have.
They look the person in the eyes and they say them.
The meaning is simple and true.
They love that person.
Every fiber
Every ounce
Ever Atom of their being,
They love that person.
And how he loved her oh so much
But what happens when the one you love,
Also desires another?
they love you. They love you more than they can say.
They desire you. They Crave you as much as you do them.
But there's another character in the story.
And all the charms, she did possess
How do you view yourself than?
What do you become?
You can't stop thinking about them
but it makes you wonder more
and more.
Now this did happen once upon a time
Who's story is this?
Was it ever mine?
Was I the hero?
Or am I the Villain?
When things were not, so Complex
Am I the hero...
Setting out on a quest to save the fair maiden!
Slaying the demons who would torment her
Slaying the Dragon that keeps her locked tight!
Sword slashing, Hacking and cutting.
Am I the hero?
And how he worshipped the ground she walked.
Or am I the Villain?
Am I the one tormenting her?
Am I the one keeping her locked in a tower
so she will be mine and mine alone?
Am I the one holding her back fro her hero?
Am I the Villain?
And when he looked in her eyes, he became obsessed.
Who am I?
I look in the mirror and the answer is less
Clear than it was than.
I see bravery in me, I see the hero I want to be
But I also see the anger, and the Villain who rages inside.
My love is like... A StoryBook Story
No. Of course I'm the hero!
I've been there all along.
I've slain the demons!
I've Slain the dragon!
Yet...In every story
even the villain sees himself
As the Hero....
But it's as real as the feelings I feel
I guess there is no way to be sure
Only time can tell.
For now fair maiden,
Know that I love you.
I always have....
Your Prince
Your Hero
...Your Villain
It's as real...
as the feelings I feel....
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